For as long as I can remember, I’ve been obsessed with Reality TV. I get so wrapped up in the lives of these strangers that I start to feel like they’re my friends. Spoiler alert: they’re not. I decided to round up a list of the reality stars I’d most like to get drinks with so I can allow my twisted delusions to continue.
*(This is in no particular order)
Stassi Schroeder (Vanderpump Rules)
I don’t think anyone who watches this show is like “Oh, Stassi is alright.” They either love her, or they hate her. I personally love her and I think getting drinks with her could potentially be one of the most entertaining nights of my life.
One thing that sticks out about Stassi is the fact that she’s openly obsessed with murder. Honestly, same. I’m sure we could spend hours comparing notes on our favorite murder documentaries. Ugh, the dream.
I’d also obviously love to pick her brain about all things Vanderpump Rules. Like, why did she leave and come back? Does Lisa still hate her? How are Tom Sandoval’s hair extensions doing? Do you think Katie & Schwartz made a mistake getting married? The list goes on.
The only thing that would make getting drinks with Stassi better would be to do it on her birthday so that I could witness her first hand telling everyone that it’s her fucking birthday.
What I think she would order: Pinot Grigio, but only if Scheana serves it to her on a silver platter.
Cameran Eubanks Wimberly (Southern Charm)
Cameran is one of the funniest people
I know I’ve ever watched on television. If you don’t already, you should do yourself a favor and follow her on Instagram.
Cameran doesn’t hold anything back. Her favorite hobby is eating which truly resonates with me. Lucky for her, she has the world’s fastest metabolism and probably weighs 110 pounds despite her love for Chick-fil-a.
She and I would have a blast getting drinks and talking about all the drama that goes down in Charleston. I think we’d shoot the shit for a bit before we got into the real hard hitting stuff. Like, is Craig still sewing onesies for her unborn baby? Does Shep still have the stamina of a 70 year old man due to drinking? Has your husband found out that you make Stauffer’s lasagna and pass it off as homemade? So many important questions.
Oh, and I would of course have to talk to her about her stint on The Real World circa 2004. Never forget.
What i think she would order (if she wasn’t pregnant): A margarita or a beer, depending on what we were eating.
Alexis Waters (The Bachelor/Bachelor in Paradise)
Bachelor producers did us a huge favor when they introduced us to Alexis. She may not have made it very far on Nick’s season of the Bachelor, but she definitely made a lasting impact. I have to admit, when she first showed up in her Dolphin/Shark costume, I was like “ugh, who’s this girl trying to come on here and be all gimmicky?” But, I was wrong.
Alexis is hilarious and is the only one on these shows who truly says what all of the viewers are thinking without trying to sugar coat it. Case in point:
I feel like she would be fully willing to spill some Bachelor secrets. She’s already openly admitted on national television that she thinks Nick is the worst Bachelor in history (agree), so what else does she have to say?
While a lot of others from Bachelor Nation would probably be like “oh, everyone was nice, but there were a few girls that I didn’t get along with so well,” Alexis would actually spill the tea and I would be all ears.
She’s also very down to party as made evident by her Snapchat stories.
What I think she would order: Vodka soda
Vicky Gunvalson (Real Housewives of Orange County)
Okay, I know what you’re thinking – Vicky is one of the most annoying people on the planet, isn’t she? Yes, I agree. But, how fun would it be to Whoop it up with the one and only?
Also, think of all the things we could talk about. Her ex faked cancer, she accused Tamra’s husband of being gay, and she made Shannon Beador gain 40 pounds. That right there is 3 hours of conversation! (By the way, in these hypotheticals I’m assuming everyone would be 100% willing to talk about literally anything I want to)
Vicky is like, sort of insane, but I think that’s half the fun of it.
What I think she would order: A dirty martini
Spencer Pratt (The Hills)
This one is very out of left field, I know. After all, he hasn’t been on a reality show since 2010, so wtf? But, hear me out.
Disclaimer: I was absolutely 100% anti-Spencer when I watched The Hills. He was definitely insane and seemingly brainwashed Heidi in a way that I can’t even fully comprehend.
However, I’ve recently followed him on Snapchat and watched him on The Morning Breath, and like, he’s funny. Hate to admit it, but he has this bizarre, absurd sense of humor that I’m fully on board with. I don’t even think he means to be funny about 75% of the time.
Half the reason I would get drinks with him would be for him to lay all of The Hills secrets on the table. I’ve obviously already read every single one of them online, but I want to hear it straight from him and like, in detail.
I also need to figure out what he does all day besides feed hummingbirds and listen to Taylor Swift songs. How is he making any income? How’s Heidi’s pregnancy going? She seems to have more of a “we’re in love” vibe than an “I’m being held hostage by this man” vibe lately. So, good on them.
I just think any amount of time spent with Spencer would be pure entertainment. I might be slightly scared of him, but it would definitely be worth it.
What I think he would order: Something gluten-free & organic, made with healing crystals.
Who do you want to get drinks with?
Stay tuned for Part 2!