The Jersey Shore “Road Trip” Reunion was on last night and it was disappointing to say the least. I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting, but I thought it would be more than them sharing a meal and reminiscing for 30 minutes. My bad.
The whole concept is a road trip to the Jersey Shore, obviously. Mike picks Snooki up first and they talk about what a douche he used to be and his addiction to pills. Good times.
Snooki: “We were just kids, we were so stupid back then.”
Mike: “I was actually like 43 on season 1 but yeah.”
The cast looks basically the same aside from Situations airbrushing (and beer gut?), and Snooki’s upper lip. We get some insight into their lives now and what they’ve been up to since Jersey Shore. Pauly is still dating Aubrey O’Day, Mike is dating a girl he knows from college, Snooki and Jenni are married with kids, and Sam is dating a guy who is arguably Ronnie’s long lost brother.
Noticeably missing are Deena, Vinny and Ronnie. I understand why Ronnie didn’t come. He and Sam probably drew straws and Sam won (bummer). But where the hell are Vinny and Deena? They aren’t even mentioned once during the show. Is there some underlying beef that we don’t know about? Or maybe they just think they’re above all of this. Which is true, because they would definitely be exactly where they are today if they had never been on the show. I get it. Either way, I’m annoyed at them and might even unfollow them on Instagram.
We learn that cast is apparently not allowed back to any of their old stomping grounds in Seaside, except for good ol’ Jenks. So, they grab a seat and grill Sam on whether or not she and Ronnie are still friends. Spoiler alert: they’re not. In true Sam fashion, she gets annoyed that she was immediately put in the hot seat and the world collectively wishes Ronnie drew the big straw.
The fact that they can’t show any clips from Jersey Shore really irks me. E! was clearly too cheap to pay for the rights to the video footage, so we’re stuck listening to the cast talk about specific moments from past seasons, but we can’t even see a clip of what they’re referring to. Like, when Mike talks about slamming his head into the concrete wall during his fight with Ronnie (don’t get me wrong, I remember it vividly), it would have been nice to see it. And we definitely could have used one good “Ron STAHHP!” for old times sake.
The best moment of the entire show is when everyone takes a shot to toast to Mike’s sobriety while he takes a sip of water and watches them. I’m not an expert but, like, maybe don’t do that? The girls compare boob jobs and next thing you know the show is almost over. Could they not have splurged and made it an hour long?
They decided to end things on a really upbeat note about Mikes legal battle and pending jail sentence. He’s being accused of tax evasion and could potentially be put away for quite some time. Nobody seems phased by it and they’re like “aww if you go to jail good luck but if not let’s hang out again soon!”
Never change, you guys, never change.